


This is Not Meant to be

by barracuddle



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Delirium au, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9357932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barracuddle/pseuds/barracuddle
Summary: Patroclus is counting down the days until the Cure.Then, he meets Achilles, and everything changes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based off of Delirium  
> (if you've read Delirium, it has the same ending ;). if you haven't, have fun!)  
> *you don't have to have read Delirium to \understand this fic*

 

Love was a fickle thing. Patroclus didn't know what love was. His father was cold and indifferent. His mother was dead, died in childbirth. He had no siblings.

Patroclus believed the Cure wouldn't solve anything. You can't solve something that has no problem, after all. Patroclus can count on one hand how many girls he's talked to in his whole life. He had no friends, nobody that was truly in Patroclus' life. They were all fleeting, all tiny flickers.

Patroclus is almost glad. He was scheduled to go into the hospital in two months to receive the Cure. No more love, no more hate, only cool indifference. But, Patroclus already lived that life.

He couldn't wait for his companion. Her name was Briseis, and she was smart and very pretty. They had gotten along together just fine the one time they talked. His dad made him go to her house, give her family a gift, introduce himself.

They would both be Cured by May. They will be married soon after, completely emotionless, without any feeling. But, Patroclus is okay with this.

-

Well, he _was_ okay with this. And then, he met Achilles. Achilles, the new kid. Achilles, the kid with blonde hair and green eyes. Achilles, the kid that made Patroclus' breath leave him. Made his blood rush. Made his heart clench.

It was not _possible_. He was _almost_ there, two months, and the dormant plague in him would have been eviscerated.

Patroclus realized, one night ridden with insomnia, that he was different.

Boys and girls were kept separate for a reason, so no one would fall in love. But, he heard of the ones that found a way around that rule. He heard of the boys who loved boys, of the girls that loved other girls.

But, the Cure...cured even that. Patroclus remembers two of the boys that were different. They were caught in the dorm rooms, kissing, touching. The police separated them, beaten them, and took them away.

Patroclus saw one of them after. He was walking down the street with a petite blonde next to him. His face was a blank mask, not at all the exuberant youth he was before. The Cure did that, it sapped everything from you. To protect you from yourself.

But, as Patroclus lies in bed, recalling the memories, he realizes he is like those boys. He suddenly hates Achilles, with his sunshine halo hair, and crinkled eyes and plump pink lips...

Patroclus groans into his pillow. This was dangerous. This is why Patroclus needed the Cure.

-

Achilles talked to him. He had sat down next to Patroclus during lunch. "Hi, you seem lonely. I'm Achilles," he said.

Patroclus wanted to spit in his face. And then kiss it. And then punch it.

"I know who you are," Patroclus says.

Achilles looks a bit confused by that, as if the thought of being the new kid didn't bring new found celebrity status. Especially when that new boy is sucked into the Group, a bunch of popular boys that bullied everyone else.

"Oh...I'm sorry. I don't know you," Achilles says. Patroclus wants to roll his eyes, but they're watching the way Achilles licks his lips, wetting them with a pink tongue.

"I'm Patroclus," he murmurs, looking back down at his lunch. A peanut butter jelly sandwich, some off brand chips, milk.

"Patroclus," Achilles repeats, as if tasting his name, savoring it. Patroclus flushes, and then berates himself. He shouldn't flush. This was dangerous.

"Trade you my apple for your chips." Patroclus looks back up at Achilles, who is palming the ripe fruit in his hand. He flickers his eyes to his face, and determined green eyes flecked with _gold_ stare back at him. His lips are pulled back in a little grin, showing just the barest of sparkly teeth.

Patroclus wants to say no, wants to say leave me alone, wants Achilles to realize the amount of trouble he was causing Patroclus.

But...

Patroclus nods shakily, "Sure." He grabs the bag of chips, and hands them to Achilles. Achilles offers him the apple and Patroclus takes it. Their hands brush, just for a moment. Patroclus wants more moments.

In that second, at the empty lunch table, on a cloudy Tuesday, it was the first time Patroclus wasn't counting the seconds till the Cure.

-

Achilles was loud. Achilles was rebellious. Achilles was fast. Achilles was everything Patroclus wanted to be. Patroclus wished he could argue like Achilles, talk like Achilles, hell even walk like Achilles.

Patroclus was meek, and quiet. Achilles was strong and noisy. Patroclus was tall and gangly. Achilles was short and all lean muscle. Patroclus was slow. Achilles was a thunderbolt.

Achilles was his best friend. His only friend. Achilles ditched the Group, after finding out they didn't like Patroclus. "They're a bunch of shits anyways. Nothing like you."

Achilles curses, something that Patroclus has never tried. Cursing is emotional, you are angry or passionate. Being angry or passionate was against the law.

Achilles was against the law. He was everything the opposite. He was a spitfire, catching Patroclus and searing his mark into him. Patroclus didn't mind.

The Cure would ruin Achilles, Patroclus knew. Achilles would be gone, dead, snuffed out by the three pronged syringe. He'd be a walking corpse after.

Achilles believed in dangerous things. He believed in the Wild. He wished he could join the rebels. In silent moments in the night, stolen moments where no one could bother them, Achilles spoke of unsavory things.

He spoke in favor of no Cure. "People should have emotions. People should have a personality. You can't just shut that off. It's not the government’s choice. It’s ours."

Patroclus' heart always raced when Achilles talked like this. He was so very the opposite of Patroclus.

"In the Wild, that's where we can be free. Patroclus, if we lived in the Wild, we'd be able to live. Really live."

Patroclus didn't say how much the idea appealed to him.

-

Achilles was ecstatic one day, late in March. He wouldn't say anything to Patroclus, just smiled devilishly. His leg wouldn't stop shaking in excitement. Patroclus watched him all day in class.

Achilles told him at lunch. There was a party tonight, held in an abandoned barn two miles away. The party was, of course, illegal. Girls and boys will be there. _Girls._

"I don't know..." Patroclus whispers. Achilles looks at him with wide eyes, as if thinking, who would say no? To this.

"Come on, Pat. I can't go without you. It'll be boring." Patroclus wanted to laugh. He was probably the most boring person this century.

He was going to say no, but then Achilles did something unexpected. He grabbed Patroclus' hand under the table. His hand was warm and small under Patroclus'. He looked at Achilles, wide eyed and surprised.

Achilles was grinning, but his eyes were sad. "Please, Patroclus. By next year we'll be robots. I wanna feel human, with you, for as long as I can."

Patroclus realized then they were born in the wrong world, the wrong century. He wished that they were born earlier, before the Cure. Where love was celebrated and accepted. Where he could kiss Achilles freely.

Perhaps Patroclus was feeling suicidal. Perhaps he didn't care. Perhaps the searing pain in his gut was love (its immature, it's barely there, but it's still _there_ , poisoning his body, sinking in his blood stream), and love fueled his words, because when he looked at Achilles, perfect Achilles, who was staring at him with open, honest eyes, full of emotions that would be stolen from him in a few short months, Patroclus agreed.

Achilles looked stunned for a moment, as if Patroclus would actually deny Achilles (he never will).

-

The party was lame. Patroclus thought he'd never say that sentence in his life. Granted, there was illegal music and dancing and grinding, and for the first ten minutes, all Patroclus did was stare, his mouth in a slight gape. Girls and boys mingling, talking, kissing. Girls and girls kissing. Boys and boys kissing. The rooms of the abandoned farmhouse were full of unbridled emotion and tension. The feeling seeped into Patroclus' veins.

Achilles was smiling widely the whole time. He was leading the way, talking to random kids here and there. Patroclus followed, smiling meekly at every person who focused briefly on him.

It wasn't until he saw Briseis that he was completely floored. She was on the main dance floor, toward the edge, in close wraps with a handsome black haired boy. Patroclus tugged on Achilles' sleeve.

"I'll be right back," Patroclus says. Achilles looks at him curiously, but nods. "I'll be here," is all he says.

Patroclus makes it barely through the crowd. His breath was hitched by the time he made it to where Briseis and Mystery Boy were. Patroclus tapped Briseis on the shoulder.

She turned, a look of small confusion on her face blooming in full force surprise. "Patroclus!" She exclaims and hugs him. Patroclus stiffens a bit and Briseis giggles but steps back. The other boy tsks and leaves. Briseis rolls her eyes at him.

"What are you doing here?" Patroclus murmurs and Briseis just smiles and spreads her hands out to the crowd.

"I'm free. I can kiss any boy, kiss any girl. It doesn't matter here. What about you?"

Patroclus hums at her explanation before rolling his eyes, "My friend, Achilles, invited--well more like forced me here. Said I had to live a little before the Cure."

Briseis shushes him with her finger on his lips. His eyes go cross looking down to it.

"You don't say that word here. Bad omen. So, who's Achilles?"

"I am." And there's Achilles, with sweat shined skin, slightly damp blonde hair, red t-shirt pulled taught over his body. Patroclus wants to stick his tongue in his mouth. And then murder him.

Briseis holds her hand out and they shake hands briefly, "I'm Briseis, Patroclus' match." Her eyes seem to dim by the end of the sentence and Patroclus rubs his neck. Achilles laughs though, and the tension dissipates.

"Ah, so you're the lucky gal. Don't worry, Patroclus is perfect. He'll make you happy."

 _As if you can feel happiness after_ , Patroclus wants to say. But, bad omen. Briseis looks barely relieved. "I suspected that when he turned up on my doorstep one day. He was a sweetheart."

Achilles laughs and Patroclus feels his cheeks burn. "Guys, I'm right here," Patroclus mutters.

Achilles smiles brightly at him, "We know," he says. Briseis laughs.

In that moment, it was perfect. Achilles was happy, sated to have gone to a party, Briseis was happy, smiling and joking around, and Patroclus couldn't help but stare at Achilles, his mind supplying dreams and thoughts of what might be, of what could happen tonight.

A sudden music switch and a slow beat begins. The dancing slows and groups pair off on the dance floor. Patroclus looks at the sudden shift in mood with wide eyes. He looks backs to Briseis and Achilles only to find Briseis smirking at him and Achilles side eyeing him.

"I'm going to go find my friend. Have a nice night guys." And she twirls away, winking at the both of them. Achilles clears his throat and Patroclus looks at him. He faintly notices Achilles flushing. "Care to have this dance," Achilles says.

Patroclus' face blooms at the request. Achilles is looking at him through hooded eyes and his hand is out. Patroclus looks at it for a moment, swallows, and takes the warm hand. They entwine and Achilles suddenly pulls onto the dance floor. Patroclus laughs before quiets himself.

Achilles loops his arms around Patroclus' neck, looking up at him with dew print eyes. They were sparkling. Patroclus grasps Achilles' hips awkwardly. Achilles giggles.

Patroclus didn't know how to dance so they just swayed along with the music. Achilles rests his head on Patroclus' shoulder and Patroclus grins widely, a blush setting on his face seemingly permanently, trailing down his neck.

The feeling in his gut is buzzing like bumblebees, swarming their way through his entire body.

Achilles lifts his head and they lock eyes again. "This is one of the best nights of my life," Achilles whispers. Patroclus can't help but nod. "Me too. I...I don't know what I'm feeling, Achilles. But I like it a lot," Patroclus confesses.

Achilles' face is full of flames but he stands on his tip toes and Patroclus feels his heart stop for one moment. For one moment he thinks this is wrong, all wrong. This was illegal. This was emotional, and wrong, but Patroclus loved it.

The next moment, all hell is set loose.

The large double door barn doors are slammed open. Teenagers scream, the sound of dogs barking are heard, as well as officers screaming to halt.

Achilles' face goes ghostly and he steps back. Patroclus feels a sudden pit at the bottom of his stomach. He feels frozen, stuck in time. He can see Briseis sprint by.

 _This was it_ , he thought. No more starry nights with Achilles, no more lunches with Achilles, no more of Achilles smiling. No more emotions. No more Achilles.

And then, Achilles is tugging Patroclus roughly. Patroclus stumbles, but regains his footing easily.

Achilles is running to the ladders. There's screaming everywhere. Dogs are gunning down kids, cops are shooting. People are going down; there are people everywhere. It was too loud. It was too much. Distantly, Patroclus can hear the record player scratch loudly, and then the soft music was turned off. Achilles climbed swiftly. Patroclus tried to do the same and succeeded, surprisingly. They were on the second floor of the gigantic barn now. There was a small roof hatch near them. Achilles' grip in his was steel.

They heard shouting suddenly. A bullet whizzed by them. Patroclus gathered the courage and looked back. A police officer was making his way up the ladder as fast as he could while firing the weapon at them, screaming to stop.

Patroclus whimpers. Achilles grunts and the roof hatch is open. They are both bathed in moonlight as the climb out quickly. Achilles seals the hatch with a wooden beam.

They weren't safe. There were cop cars. Kids were running in all directions under them. Dogs were growling and biting and attacking anything not in a uniform. The roof hatch was pounding, and the bean creaked.

Achilles cursed and looked at Patroclus, smiling sourly. "This is my fault. We're on the roof. There's no way down. We shouldn't have-"

Patroclus kisses him. Hard and teeth ringing, he bruises their lips, sears them together in white hot pain. He's not afraid anymore. This was right. This, the feel of Achilles on his lips, and this, the small gasp Achilles made, and this, the electric hot feeling pulsing through his veins, crashing into his soul over and over and over...

Patroclus ends it just at quickly, the taste of honey on his lips already addicting.

"We're together. Now and forever. We jump," Patroclus says. Achilles is looking at him with bright emerald eyes, huge and owl like. He nods, something fierce replacing the hazy expression.

"We jump."

-

They made it off the roof safe enough, but the ground was a whole other battle field. They wasted no time running to the forest. Chaos reigned around them but their path was clear. The edge of the woods were a hairsbreadth away when the yap of a dog sounded before the pounding of paws on the ground.

Achilles and Patroclus don't look back. They crash into the tree line, disappearing in the foliage. But, the dog was still chasing them. Patroclus knew the dog would just love to tear him apart. His beating heart spiked, this time in fear.

"We gotta go faster," Patroclus managed to spit out in between gasping breaths. Achilles only nodded, and continued to lead them to safety.

Patroclus knew he was holding Achilles back. The blonde haired beauty could run miles around Patroclus. He could escape easily if it wasn't for Patroclus. He cursed to himself.

He stopped and Achilles looked back at him, confused. The barking was matched with shouting of police. They were close. Neither of the boys could see through the dark. They wouldn't make it out of here alive. Not together.

"You go, I'll be right behind you," Patroclus says. Achilles shakes his head. "I can't leave you, Patroclus."

Patroclus laughs humorlessly, before kissing Achilles, quicker than he wanted to. He just needed one more dose to be able to do this.

"I'll be right behind you. I'll distract them. Don't look back," Patroclus urges, grabbing Achilles' shoulders. The barks grew louder, more insistent.

Achilles nods shakily, "Okay. Please be safe." Tears were willfully falling from Achilles' eyes. Patroclus kissed one.

"Go." Patroclus pushes Achilles away. He nods again, before turning around and sprinting away.

Patroclus feels his heart burn and crush. He turns and walks purposefully, each step hurting more and more.

Lights flashed around him as the police and dogs surrounded him. Growls were heard as the police kept them at bay.

"I surrender," Patroclus hears himself say, feels the words spit out his mouth.

"Down on the ground." It was a female who said it. Patroclus nods jerkily, before slowly doing so.

"There was another I saw, blonde and short. He must have gone that way. Take a dog." The female says. Patroclus feels his throat closing. _No._

"Yes, mam." This was a male, and Patroclus glanced up to see who spoke. They were both near him, not even seeming to pay any more attention to him.

Patroclus' eyes close on the gun hanging from the man's belt. He didn't hesitate springing up and grabbing the weapon out of the holster.

He brandishes it right at the woman, who herself has pulled her own. Patroclus' heart felt heavy and dull. Everything felt heavy and dull. Nothing mattered. Not when Achilles was in danger.

"Take one step and I'll blow your brains out," Patroclus spits. The woman's face is cool and indifferent. Patroclus keeps an eye on the man, who froze his moving.

"Put the gun down, boy. We'll forget all about this."

Patroclus had to stall. These were the only two cops who knew about them, who knew about Achilles. He takes a breath, aims and shoots. The woman screams and drops to the ground, holding her thigh. The man tackles Patroclus, but he was ready. He quickly turns the gun into a blunt weapon, hitting the man's head quickly and efficiently. The dogs bark and growl but don't move from their spots.

"Good boys," Patroclus breathes. He looks back at the police. The man is out cold, but the woman was lucid, haphazardly grabbing her walkie from her belt. Patroclus ran to her and grabbed the walkie, before smashing it on the floor.

The woman glares at him, "I'll remember your face."

Patroclus glares right back at her, but says nothing. Hopefully, it was too dark to see any key features, even with the flashlights.

He turns and quickly sprints away, dogs howling behind him.

-

He smells like sweat and dirt, but Achilles envelopes him in a crushing hug anyways. They met by the high school library. The night was silent. There was no one up this late at night at the high school.

"I was so worried," Achilles whimpers. Patroclus shushes him, before tilting their heads in a forbidden kiss.

"I told you I was going to make it out. I was worried about you. Did you get into any more trouble?" Patroclus asks when the separate. Achilles shakes his head. "I saw Briseis though. She made it out too."

Patroclus smiles at the news.

"We made it out. Scratch that off my bucket list." Achilles laughs but nods.

"We went to a party. We danced. We _kissed_." Achilles blushes bright red suddenly, as if that finally sunk in. A little tremor went through him.

"Are we dating?" Achilles asks, quietly. Patroclus feels his heart stutter, his breath stall. Fear crushed his spirit for a moment. They weren't supposed...

"Yes," Patroclus says, looking at Achilles' green eyes filled with mirth and excitement. This was taboo, and they both knew it.

Achilles kissed him again, and Patroclus felt like he could fly.

-

Three boys were unaccounted for the next day in classes. Patroclus knew why. They wouldn't be coming back to school.

-

The clock ticked. The Sun continued to rise and fall. The Earth didn't stop spinning. Life continued even when Patroclus prayed it'd stop, just for a moment. He wanted to be with Achilles forever.

His wish wasn't granted. The days flew by. May 23rd was fast approaching, and with that, the end of Patroclus' world.

-

It was a stupid thought.

"Let's run away, to the Wild."

Unsurprisingly, it was Achilles who suggested it. They were sitting in a park, close but not too close. People were always watching.

Patroclus looks at him, eyes narrowing. "How would we?" He asks, and Achilles' lips upturn in a small grin, only for Patroclus.

"We could go at night, when all the guards are tired and groggy. We can slip through the fence. We'd be free."

Patroclus shakes his hard, "That's too risky, Achilles. There's too many holes. We could get caught so easily."

Achilles looks at him, desperate. "We have two weeks, Pat. What's the worst thing that will happen? They turn off our emotions?"

He looks down at his lap, hands fisted. Patroclus wants so badly to place his palm over the fists, unfurl them. But, he couldn't, not in public.

"It'll be okay, Achilles."

Patroclus didn't believe himself either.

-

His father was always suspicious of them. Achilles was almost always over. After school, during lunch and dinner. He slept over on weekends.

It was only a matter a time before he caught them. It was a week before May 23rd.

They were kissing on Patroclus' bed. Patroclus had his hand under Achilles' shirt, playing with the tiny little buds on his chest. Achilles moaned into Patroclus' mouth. He smiled into the kiss.

Patroclus didn't hear the door open until he was ripped from Achilles. Panic set in as he was hit quickly and efficiently in his stomach. He groaned, before hearing another tumble and saw Achilles in a similar state.

"Don't touch him," he rasped out, but the person held him back. Tears flooded from Patroclus' eyes as Achilles was kicked and punched. He sobbed.

"No no no nonono. _No._ " Patroclus finally was able to wrench free from the sturdy grip on his body, before running to the maniac that was hurting his boyfriend. With a twist in his gut, he realized it was his father.

He grabbed his father's shoulders and threw him to the side. He felt weak.

Achilles lay in a crumpled heap, blood and bruises already appearing.

Patroclus grabbed him delicately, shushing Achilles' whimpers and kissing his face.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," Patroclus whispers, looking at Achilles bruised and battered face.

Achilles flinches but cracks a crying eye. "It's okay."

Patroclus nods, but guilt fills his body. He was selfish. He was in love. It shouldn't have gone this way.

He glowers at his father and the man who held him back. It was one of his dad's acquaintances.

"Are you going to take us away now? Make us get the Cure?" Patroclus spats at the two of them. His father looks at him with a blank face, "I knew you were a mistake the moment you were born. I only kept you because it was my duty. The police are on their way. I'll let you have one more moment alone with your _friend_ ," he snorts and turns away. His friend follows after. The door slams shut behind them.

Patroclus cries. He looks down at Achilles, a boy who was a comet, now reduced to ash. Shivers wracked his body.

"What do we do?" Patroclus asks, laughing. They lost. They will be ripped apart. Patroclus wouldn't remember Achilles like this anymore. He would forget love.

Achilles looks at him, a determined gleam returning in his eyes.

"We run."

-

Patroclus was glad he lived on the first floor. Patroclus was glad it was night. His window opened easily and they climbed out. Achilles groaned quietly, and was slower than normal. Patroclus looked at him guiltily.

Achilles looks at him with sad eyes, "It wasn't your fault."

They run from the house, to the borders. Posts were built with about 50 yards in between. That was enough distance. It had to be.

The gate was tall, but in the quiet night, it was thankfully not buzzing.

"We can make it. The guards aren't even looking over here." It was true. Their spotlights were trained elsewhere. This was their chance. It was perfect.

Patroclus forced Achilles to go first.

"This was your idea. You get to touch freedom first. I'll be right behind you."

Achilles nods. He climbs quickly, but not as quick as he could. The injuries were taking a toll.

A siren sounded suddenly. Patroclus heart freezes. The white beam shines on them. They've been spotted.

Achilles jumps down on the other side. He made it.

Patroclus is just about to touch the bars when the unmistakable crackle of electricity is heard. It burns in the air.

Achilles looks at him from the other side. Patroclus couldn't climb. They were suddenly a million miles apart.

"Go!" Patroclus shouts over the sirens. Achilles shakes his head but steps back.

"I love you," Achilles whispers. Patroclus doesn't hear him, but can see the words form on his lips.

"I'm right behind you Achilles. Don't look back. Run," Patroclus orders and it's just like the night of the party. Achilles nods shakily, just like before. He turns, his golden hair falling into the shadows. Patroclus can barely see him when he's shot. It was a loud bang, but he barely feels any pain. His shirt is very quickly bathed in his own blood.

He's looking as Achilles runs. Runs into the Wild. He's finally free.

Except, when Patroclus is tackled, thrown on the floor, he can barely see Achilles anymore, but he's still there. Why'd he stop?

And then, he turns. Achilles looks back, and they lock eyes.

 _Run_ , Patroclus mouths, blood loss making everything light and airy.

Achilles turns and runs.

**Author's Note:**

> I hated Pandemonium, so Achilles will not be acquiring a new lover. the second part will probably be in pat's POV too  
> on that note, does anyone want a part 2??  
> comments and kudos much appreciate :) (they make writing enjoyable)


End file.
